Saturday, July 19, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
adult jokes2
A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach.
He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him. The first says to him, ‘Have you ever been hugged?’ The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a big hug.
The second says to him, ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ He shakes his head. She kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, ‘Have you ever been fucked?’ ‘No,’ says the man, his eyes lighting up.
‘Well, you are now. The tide’s coming in.’
This nun’s standing at a bus stop when a double-decker pulls up. As she gets on, the nun notices she’s the only passenger on the bus, so she turns to the driver and asks, ‘Could you do me a very special favour, Mr Driver?’
‘If I can,’ he replies. ‘Well, the thing is, I have a serious heart problem and I want to have sex for the first time before I die.’
‘Okay,’ answers the driver.
‘There are two conditions, though,’ continues the nun. ‘Firstly, we can’t do it if you’re married, because I don’t want to commit adultery. Secondly, it has to be anal sex, because I have to die a virgin.’
The bus driver gives a nod, so they clamber upstairs and get down to it. When it’s all over, though, the driver’s racked with guilt. ‘I’m so sorry, Sister, but I have a terrible confession – I’m married with three kids.’
‘Don’t fret, Mr Driver,’ replies the nun, sympathetically. ‘I have a confession, too. I’m on my way to a fancy-dress party and my name’s Kevin.’
Spying the group, the drunk stumbles over, points at one of the boys and shouts: ‘I’ve fucked your mum!’
The lads ignored him and returned to their beer.
He shouts again: ‘Up the ass!’
Although irritated, they ignore him again. The drunk stands up again points at the boy and yells: ‘Your Mum’s sucked my cock!’
The boy looks up wearily. ‘You’re drunk, Dad. Go home.’
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of firecrackers on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Diwali' under the firecrackers.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of buckets of water with 'Happy Holi' up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'
She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Diwali and Holi.'
A woman guest approaches the bar in a small restaurant.
She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.
'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.
'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.
'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: 'What are you doing here today?'
Woman: 'Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me Rs. 200 for it.'
Man: 'Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me Rs. 1000.'
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man: 'Hi there! Here to donate blood again?'
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) 'Unh unh.'
Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.
She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher almost unconcious.
Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Jaswinder: Ok.
Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?
Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!
He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him. The first says to him, ‘Have you ever been hugged?’ The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a big hug.
The second says to him, ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ He shakes his head. She kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, ‘Have you ever been fucked?’ ‘No,’ says the man, his eyes lighting up.
‘Well, you are now. The tide’s coming in.’
This nun’s standing at a bus stop when a double-decker pulls up. As she gets on, the nun notices she’s the only passenger on the bus, so she turns to the driver and asks, ‘Could you do me a very special favour, Mr Driver?’
‘If I can,’ he replies. ‘Well, the thing is, I have a serious heart problem and I want to have sex for the first time before I die.’
‘Okay,’ answers the driver.
‘There are two conditions, though,’ continues the nun. ‘Firstly, we can’t do it if you’re married, because I don’t want to commit adultery. Secondly, it has to be anal sex, because I have to die a virgin.’
The bus driver gives a nod, so they clamber upstairs and get down to it. When it’s all over, though, the driver’s racked with guilt. ‘I’m so sorry, Sister, but I have a terrible confession – I’m married with three kids.’
‘Don’t fret, Mr Driver,’ replies the nun, sympathetically. ‘I have a confession, too. I’m on my way to a fancy-dress party and my name’s Kevin.’
Spying the group, the drunk stumbles over, points at one of the boys and shouts: ‘I’ve fucked your mum!’
The lads ignored him and returned to their beer.
He shouts again: ‘Up the ass!’
Although irritated, they ignore him again. The drunk stands up again points at the boy and yells: ‘Your Mum’s sucked my cock!’
The boy looks up wearily. ‘You’re drunk, Dad. Go home.’
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of firecrackers on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Diwali' under the firecrackers.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of buckets of water with 'Happy Holi' up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'
She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Diwali and Holi.'
A woman guest approaches the bar in a small restaurant.
She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.
'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.
'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.
'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.
'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: 'What are you doing here today?'
Woman: 'Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me Rs. 200 for it.'
Man: 'Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me Rs. 1000.'
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man: 'Hi there! Here to donate blood again?'
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) 'Unh unh.'
Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.
She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher almost unconcious.
Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
Jaswinder: Ok.
Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?
Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!
Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button ' start ' but there is no ' stop ' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is ' Run ' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any ' re-scooter ' is available in system? I find only ' re-cycle ' , but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is ' Find ' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find ' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt ' Microsoft word ' now he wants to learn ' Microsoft
sentence ' , so when you will provide that?
6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ' MY Computer ' : when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says ' MY Pictures ' but there is not
even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is ' MICROSOFT OFFICE ' what about ' MICROSOFT HOME ' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided ' My Recent Documents ' . When you will provide ' My Past Documents ' ?
10. You provide ' My Network Places ' . For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places ' . I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
sardarjokes2
Sardar jokes-Out on Trip
Banta and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon "quickie."
"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a trip, so there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the secretary reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!"
"No problem," Banta replies. "I'll get Jeeto's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury.
"That woman!" Banta exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!"
"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a trip, so there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the secretary reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!"
"No problem," Banta replies. "I'll get Jeeto's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury.
"That woman!" Banta exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!"
Adult sardar jokes-Accident
Banta is driving his car and finds Santa sitting on the road, looking like he'd just been run over by some vehicle. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised.
Banta stops and he asks him, "Hey, What happens to you?"
"Look!", and he points a crashed car.
"Well, don't care and buy another car," Banta suggested.
"Look inside the car!" said Santa
"Well, don't care and get another girl, and that's all."
"Look inside her mouth!!!"
Banta stops and he asks him, "Hey, What happens to you?"
"Look!", and he points a crashed car.
"Well, don't care and buy another car," Banta suggested.
"Look inside the car!" said Santa
"Well, don't care and get another girl, and that's all."
"Look inside her mouth!!!"
Santa and Tomy Blair were having candle-light dinner.
Tony Blair said, "Pass the wine u divine"
Santa thinks "How poetic"
Then Santa says "Pass the custard u bastard"
Tony Blair said, "Pass the wine u divine"
Santa thinks "How poetic"
Then Santa says "Pass the custard u bastard"
Sardar jokes-One wish !
Santa and Banta were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat`s provisions, Santa stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth!
This particular Genie; however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter Santa blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned to the finest brew.
Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the sudden stillness as Santa and Banta considered their circumstances. Banta looked disgustedly at Santa and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going! Now we`re going to have to pee in the boat!!"
Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth!
This particular Genie; however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter Santa blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned to the finest brew.
Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the sudden stillness as Santa and Banta considered their circumstances. Banta looked disgustedly at Santa and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going! Now we`re going to have to pee in the boat!!"
Sardar jokes-Santa & Banta go out Fishing
Santa and Banta decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport fishing.
After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes.
Banta said, "Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come."
Santa says, "Good idea", and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot....
Seeing that Banta shouted, "Why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish!"
After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes.
Banta said, "Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come."
Santa says, "Good idea", and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot....
Seeing that Banta shouted, "Why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish!"
Sardar jokes-Remarry
Santa: If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
Adult jokes-Divorced!
Sardar: I divorced my wife on the 1st night.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: I saw the label on her panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."
Sardar jokes-Nobel prize
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, "Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
Santa replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, "Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
Santa replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
Sardar jokes-Suger level
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode.
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
Wife observes the whole episode.
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Sardar jokes-Engine failure
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry. We can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry. We still have one engine left."
A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry. We can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry. We still have one engine left."
A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one
Sardar jokes-Puzzle
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, "51 days! 51 Days!!" About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.
Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, "51 days!51 days!!
The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, "What on earth are you doing??"
"Well," the Sardar says, "everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, "51 days!51 days!!
The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, "What on earth are you doing??"
"Well," the Sardar says, "everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
Sardar jokes-Going home early
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?
The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.
The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.
The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"
The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.
The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.
The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"
Sardar jokes-Hanging for life
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, "I'll get off."
After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, "I'll get off."
After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
I'm 2400 kms from home.
Short sardarji joke - Accident
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar : Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Sardar joke - Santa banta fishing
santa singh & banta singh rented a boat and fished in a lake every day.
One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. santa said to banta.
"There's lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here
tomorrow." The next day when they were driving to rent the boat,
santa asked banta , "Did you mark that spot?" banta replied,
"Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!" santa said, "You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?"
Sardar jokes-Santa in heaven
Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word"
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word"
Sardar jokes-Santa and Banta
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.
The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.
The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?
Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."
The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"
On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.
The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?
Santa says, "Oh sure."
The boss asks how deep underground he worked.
Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground. "
The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? "
Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"
The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.
The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?
Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."
The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"
On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.
The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?
Santa says, "Oh sure."
The boss asks how deep underground he worked.
Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground. "
The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? "
Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"
sms jokes2
Nokia SMS
Received following funny SMS on NOKIA cellphone. Enjoy!
Who is great? It's u
Who is smart? It's u
Who is sweetest? It's u
Who is jolly? It's u
Who is lying? Of course, it's me.
6 facts on Earth
1st fact : U can't touch all ur teeth with ur tongue.
2nd fact : After reading this , all fools will try it.
3rd fact : Now u will smiles Bcoz u have become a fool.
4th fact : Now u want 2 fool ur friends.
5th fact : Now u forward it 2 all fools.
6th fact : Fact 1 is false.
Dying man asks his wife.Our 4th son always looked different from the other 3 , did he have a different father ?
Wife : yes .
Man : Whose it ?Wife : Yours
Truth of life : "Mother's tears hit your heart and Wife's tears hit your pocket."
Short funny SMS jokes
Enjoy six short funny SMS jokes
Man : "I want to find out if I have the grounds for a divorce."
Lawyer: "Are you married?"
Man: "Why , yes, if course."
Lawyer " "Then you have grounds"
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home.He probably lies about other things too.
The world's thinnest book has only oneword written in it 'everything' and the book is titled:"What women want!"
There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman,before marriage and after marriage!
Why did you hit your husband with chair?
"I couldn't lift the table"
"You looked troubled" I told my friend , "what's your problem?"
He replied,"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful",I said.
"What's wonderful? my wife doesn't know about it."
Short funny adult SMS jokes
Enjoy 3 funny SMS jokes
Mother asks daughter "How is married life"
Daughter says with shyness "Like the advt. of British Airways"
Mother reads the advt. and shocked : 7 days a week , twice a day , both ways.
Ticket checker fined ticketless girls.Jeans girl is fined Rs.100.Midi girl is Rs.50
Half skirt girl Rs.25.Next girl was fined Rs.0. Why ? Think positive .She had a ticket.
What is difference between
1.Girl friend
2.Lover
3.Wife
4. Stepney
It is simple
1.Prepaid
2.Lifetime
3.Post paid
4. Coinbooth
SMS jokes
Enjoy following 4 funny SMS Jokes.
What is the similarity between BRA and BAR ?
Ans : Both are the places where men go crazy when they are open.
Thank you for ur support last year.
With ur help we have achieved good sales.
Pleased with ur kind support
"M.D.Beverages Corporation"
2day's forecast says there'll be heavy rain in ur area.Pls don't miss the chance ..........take a bath.
Father : What were the 2 hardest things u learned in college?
Son : Opening beer bottles with teeth and lighting cigarettes with only one match left in heavy wind.
SMS jokes
Enjoy four SMS jokes , you may send it to your friends
Which is the sweetest part of the body?It's oval in shape,it's surrounded by hair,salt water comes from it.Don't be silly : it's 'Beautiful Eyes'
Whenever I want Ur presence I read Ur SMS....whenever I want to see u,I close eyes,whenever I want to hear ur voice, I throw a stone at a dog.
Do u remember that day .When we had gone out in a car.I put my dog out & u put ur face out;people shouted "Twins..Twins"..Sweet memories na...?
Pls send ur Biodata & photo 2 Hutch..
U'll get a gud package + A chance 2 come on T.V. So apply soon.Bcoz Hutch's Dog died.They want a monkey.
Divorced couple arguing for son's custody.
Wife : I gave him birth so he is mine.
Husband : If I put a coin in a pepsi machine & pepsi comes , is it mine or the machines?
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Life is like a vehicle. Husband and wife r 2 tyres of the vehicle.If 1 punctures,the vehicle will not move.So brilliant people keep a stepney.
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Only 10% girls play games like tennis,football,caroms , cricket, etc because 90% girls play with boy's life.So be careful.
Adult jokes(SUPERB JOKES)
Mother asks daughter "How is married life"
Daughter says with shyness "Like the advt. of British Airways"
Mother reads the advt. and shocked : 7 days a week , twice a day , both ways.
Ticket checker fined ticketless girls.Jeans girl is fined Rs.100.Midi girl is Rs.50
Half skirt girl Rs.25.Next girl was fined Rs.0. Why ? Think positive .She had a ticket.
What is difference between
1.Girl friend
2.Lover
3.Wife
4. Stepney
It is simple
1.Prepaid
2.Lifetime
3.Post paid
4. Coinbooth
A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept. So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.
Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says, "Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK."
They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, ..."What a coindence, I'm riding a Honda!"
Mark owned a disapidated old boat, which sank the same day Michael's wife died.
A few days later, a kind old woman saw Mark and mistaking him for Michael, said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel so terrible."
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, replied; "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, and a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to useher anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
The old lady fainted.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics. '
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'
The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women.'
During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was being given a hand job by a nurse's aide.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "That's disgraceful! "
The doctor leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if they aren't emptied at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
"Oh, well that's reasonable, then." said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.
Shocked, the woman said, "Oh my GOD! That's truly disgraceful! How can THAT be justified?"
Again the doctor replied calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
Daughter says with shyness "Like the advt. of British Airways"
Mother reads the advt. and shocked : 7 days a week , twice a day , both ways.
Ticket checker fined ticketless girls.Jeans girl is fined Rs.100.Midi girl is Rs.50
Half skirt girl Rs.25.Next girl was fined Rs.0. Why ? Think positive .She had a ticket.
What is difference between
1.Girl friend
2.Lover
3.Wife
4. Stepney
It is simple
1.Prepaid
2.Lifetime
3.Post paid
4. Coinbooth
A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept. So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.
Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says, "Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK."
They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, ..."What a coindence, I'm riding a Honda!"
Adult jokes-Mistaken identity
Mark and Michael were identical twins, who would confuse many people who did not know them.Mark owned a disapidated old boat, which sank the same day Michael's wife died.
A few days later, a kind old woman saw Mark and mistaking him for Michael, said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel so terrible."
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, replied; "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, and a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to useher anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
The old lady fainted.
Adult jokes-Culture
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture.Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics. '
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'
The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women.'
Adult funny jokes-Health Plan
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was being given a hand job by a nurse's aide.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "That's disgraceful! "
The doctor leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if they aren't emptied at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
"Oh, well that's reasonable, then." said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.
Shocked, the woman said, "Oh my GOD! That's truly disgraceful! How can THAT be justified?"
Again the doctor replied calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
Adult jokes-Dentist
Terribly agitated, Jawad rushed into his dentist's examining room and ushered the hygienist firmly to the door. Once he was alone with the doctor, he unzipped his fly and gingerly pulled out his dick.
"Jawad, Jawad," said the dentist, taken aback. "I'm a dentist. If you think you have V.D., you need to see your regular doctor."
"It's not V.D.," gasped Jawad, "and you've gotta help me. There's a tooth stuck in it."
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of
the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
"I earned it hiking", he replied.
"Hiking? ?? Come on son; tell your dad the truth. Nobody can make that kind of money hiking. Where did you get the cash from?"
"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Johnson, from the bank would come over to see mom and give me a $20.00 bill and tell me to take a hike."
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat"?
"But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!"??
The woman looked down,then back up at the man and said,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday!"
A cop stops his patrol car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his ass-hole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pouring down the booze.
Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I put this finger in his mouth."
A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?"
The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her privates.
"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother. So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night.
While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous fart as she did so.
Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.
"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.
He replied, "Shit woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to throw any meat at it!"
"Jawad, Jawad," said the dentist, taken aback. "I'm a dentist. If you think you have V.D., you need to see your regular doctor."
"It's not V.D.," gasped Jawad, "and you've gotta help me. There's a tooth stuck in it."
Really funny jokes-Painful
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
Adult sardar jokes-Accident
Banta is driving his car and finds Santa sitting on the road, looking like he'd just been run over by some vehicle. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised.
Banta stops and he asks him, "Hey, What happens to you?"
"Look!", and he points a crashed car.
"Well, don't care and buy another car," Banta suggested.
"Look inside the car!" said Santa
"Well, don't care and get another girl, and that's all."
"Look inside her mouth!!!"
Banta stops and he asks him, "Hey, What happens to you?"
"Look!", and he points a crashed car.
"Well, don't care and buy another car," Banta suggested.
"Look inside the car!" said Santa
"Well, don't care and get another girl, and that's all."
"Look inside her mouth!!!"
Funny adult jokes-The Miracle of Toilet paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion."If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of
the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
Adult jokes-Hiking
A Father came home from a long buisness trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike. "Where did you get the money for that?" , he asked. "It must have cost you over $300.00!""I earned it hiking", he replied.
"Hiking? ?? Come on son; tell your dad the truth. Nobody can make that kind of money hiking. Where did you get the cash from?"
"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Johnson, from the bank would come over to see mom and give me a $20.00 bill and tell me to take a hike."
Funny adult jokes-The joys of aging
An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't blow away in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat"?
"But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!"??
The woman looked down,then back up at the man and said,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday!"
A cop stops his patrol car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his ass-hole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pouring down the booze.
Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I put this finger in his mouth."
A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?"
The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her privates.
"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother. So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night.
While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous fart as she did so.
Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.
"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.
He replied, "Shit woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to throw any meat at it!"
nday, June 8, 2008
Adult jokes-Nick The Dragon Slayer
Far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts, but Nick the Dragon slayer knew the penalty for this desire would be death should he try and touch them.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
The moral of the story ~ Pay Your Bills!
Moral of the story:
(1) Not all Southerners are stupid.
(2) Not all blondes are dumb.
(3) But all men... are men
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
The moral of the story ~ Pay Your Bills!
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Mississippi arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000)
on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.'
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!'
As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and- down and squealed
'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know... I thought you were watching.'
on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.'
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!'
As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and- down and squealed
'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know... I thought you were watching.'
Moral of the story:
(1) Not all Southerners are stupid.
(2) Not all blondes are dumb.
(3) But all men... are men
Funny adult jokes-Rent paid
“That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,” the housewife told a neighbour.
“You didn’t do it, did you?”
“I have to admit I did… though with certain misgivings, I might add.
What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!”
The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks once. The man asked the owner "What does that mean?"
The owner says "Well, he barked once, that means he saw one rabbit."
The guy says "OK, let's see it again."
The owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!" The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks twice.
The guy asks "OK, what does that mean?"
The owner says "Well, he barked twice, that means he saw two rabbits."
The guy says "OK, one more time and he's sold." The owner snaps his fingers, the dog takes off, comes back carrying a stick and starts to hump his owners leg.
The guy says "WHAT! does that mean?
The owner says "Well, that means he just saw more fuckin' rabbits than you can shake a stick at!"
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time, and threatened suicide.So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature. "
The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."
The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.
After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature. "
The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood independent and lost his deposit!"
“You didn’t do it, did you?”
“I have to admit I did… though with certain misgivings, I might add.
What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!”
Adult funny jokes-Hunting Dog
This man wanted to buy a hunting dog. He heard of this guy who had a dog for sale, so he went to check it out. They get the dog out to the woods and the owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!"The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks once. The man asked the owner "What does that mean?"
The owner says "Well, he barked once, that means he saw one rabbit."
The guy says "OK, let's see it again."
The owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!" The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks twice.
The guy asks "OK, what does that mean?"
The owner says "Well, he barked twice, that means he saw two rabbits."
The guy says "OK, one more time and he's sold." The owner snaps his fingers, the dog takes off, comes back carrying a stick and starts to hump his owners leg.
The guy says "WHAT! does that mean?
The owner says "Well, that means he just saw more fuckin' rabbits than you can shake a stick at!"
Adult jokes-A Girl for Me
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time, and threatened suicide.So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
Funny adult jokes-Candidate in Legislature
A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections - so much so that they communicate about everything in political language.One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature. "
The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."
The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.
After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature. "
The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood independent and lost his deposit!"
Nurse Jokes
A little 8 year old boy wanted to be circumcised
A little 8 year old boy wanted to be circumcised when he realized he looked different than dad and his friends. The day after the proceedure he returned to school. During class, he became uncomfortable and asked for permission to go to the nurse. When he arrived at her office, he hesitated and finally just asked if he could call his mother. Sensing this was personal, the nurse stepped into the hall and closed the door to allow him privacy. Several minutes later the little boy came out of her office and the nurse noticed his penis was sticking out of his pants. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Back to class," said the boy. "But you can't go back like that!" explained the nurse. "I have to," stressed the boy. "My mother said that if I could just stick it out until lunchtime, she would come and pick me up."Dating jokes
There was a young virgin that was
A boy and his date were parked
Brad had a blind date with Ashley
At a jewelry store, a young man
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,A very shy guy goes into a bar and
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
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